Dear West Michigan: It’s Not Time For Shorts Yet
I'm a southern transplant. I love warm weather, I'll complain about the snow any chance I get, and a majority of my wardrobe is still shorts and t-shirts. But, I need to be very clear about something: now is not the time for shorts.
I didn't move five hours north to the frozen tundra of Walker, Michigan because I love the cold. I did for an amazing career change, the beautiful nature (when it is warm), and my boyfriend James.
I also didn't move here to shame any fashion choices you're making either
(Although, don't worry you'll never catch me in Buckeye gear either.)
In fact, I'm more excited than anyone else in West Michigan for the upcoming return to shorts weather, I need to repeat what I said earlier: now is not the time.
It's not a flex to walk down Ottawa at 10am on a weekday in March while it's 25 degrees, rocking a pair of your favorite basketball shorts. (Yes, I saw you. And yes, you made me want to cut my legs off from empathy for your poor calves)
In fact, it's BAD for you. The average body temperature ranges between 96-99 degrees Fahrenheit. When you're exposing your bare skin to temperatures as low as 40-50 degrees less than that, you're slowly killing yourself. Experts say the body starts to develop hypothermia when you're exposed (without clothing) to air that is anywhere from 30-50 degrees.
We get it, you're tough. You're a dodge ram of a human, and no one can stop you. But the one thing you didn't stop to consider is that you look insane. Even if yes, one day last week it may have been closer to 70 than 40, but that doesn't mean you have to entirely throw away your winter wardrobe for the remainder of the year.
There is still snow on the ground. Your breath is frozen. And you're parading around with your ankles out like some sort of person who lacks nerve endings.
I don't know who hurt you, but I promise I'll help you find pants at the Rivertown mall if you're struggling. I'm worried about your frost bitten knees.