Ohio Man Named ‘Pancake’ Arrested With Multiple Hamsters In His Pants
Every detail about the story you're about to read is completely, 100% real, and no names, details, or photos have been changed or altered.
This is the story about an Ohio Man named "Pancake," being arrested for stealing Hamsters, which were found in the pants of his leopard-print onesie. Buckle Up.
This happened in Columbus earlier this month, and I can't tell you how many times I checked to make sure I had all of the details correct with this story, because it is as if a four-year-old had filled in random words on a Mad Libs page.
Earlier this month, authorities arrested a man who they believe broke into multiple businesses, that included a pet store. While there, he freed multiple animals, which is what ultimately alerted authorities to investigate.
The Columbus Division of Police responded to the burglary alarms in the area, and found three stores that included the pet store, a Famous Footwear, and another restaurant had been broken into.
Officials got a handle on the situation, and even rounded up several loose dogs, cats, and other pets from the store, but realized a number of hamsters had gone missing. They mistakenly called them "gerbils." (That's an important detail for this next part.)
Soon, authorities located a person of interest, Matthew Pancake (His ACTUAL name), fast asleep on a bench in front of a Big Lots, wearing a leopard-print onesie.
Officials were pretty sure he was their culprit as they noticed some bleeding that might have been from breaking the glass on the front of the stores, but if only they had a little more evidence to prove he was their guy.
That's when they checked his pants, and I swear to you, this is a completely accurate quote that went out over the police scanner...
"Our suspect has multiple gerbils in his pants. Mr. Pancake, you're under arrest. Get on your belly."
Well, it turns out those "gerbils" were actually the missing hamsters from the pet store, and Pancake was taken into custody and charged with breaking an entering, and theft. He'll likely be charged with animal cruelty, too.
The Hamsters were removed from Pancake's pants and taken into protective custody. And while Hamsters can't speak, I can imagine if asked what it was like being in Pancake's Leopard-Print Pats, they'd simply say... "It was Nuts."